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Just Caught my Daughter Cheating on Test

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 12:52 PM

I am shocked and disappointed. I wadded her paper up and threw it in the trash and told her to go to her room.

She was taking a Wordly Wise Test and the answers are in the back of the book. Never did I think in a million years that she would copy the answers or even think to look them up. Shame on me!!

Posted by: Michelle Mar 31 2006, 12:57 PM

A lesson for even homeschool mom's...even our children can fall to that temptation.

I'm sorry this happened, but I bet, she is feeling even sorrier for disappointing you.

hugs.gif

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 12:59 PM

I am just so stunned and shocked. I can't believe it. I am sick that she was even tempted to do it.

I don't even know how to discipline her.

Posted by: Michelle Mar 31 2006, 01:09 PM

What grade did you say she was in?

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 01:16 PM

5th grade.

Posted by: Blaise Mar 31 2006, 01:20 PM

Ugh! I don't know what I'd do if that happened either. A spanking would probably be in order for one thing.

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 01:40 PM

Well I went in to talk to her and I am so proud of myself in that I was very calm. I opened the door and said WOW! This one has thrown me. I am so shocked and disappointed that I don't know what to say.

She said nothing.

I asked her why would you ever dream of cheating? She immediately began crying and said I don't know why I do things like this.

I stated, I don't know why you did this either but would like to understand. Did you not understand the words? She responded with I don't know. I just did it.

I asked if she had cheated before and she hemmed and hawed....and spilled that she did the other day on Spectrum but has never done it before. I would like to believe her but.....

I told her that I had no clue how to discipline her except to give her a zero on the test, have her retake the test (I would like to show her that she did not need to cheat), there will be no going outside in the gorgeous 70 degree weather, and that she will be busy writing sentences.

She started writing the sentences and began yelling at me for having her write the sentences so she is back in her room taking a time out.

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS WOW!!! I know that I have been going through a lot medically and hopefully this isn't a cry for my attention.

Thank you for listening and any words of wisdom.


Posted by: wings Mar 31 2006, 01:53 PM

Children fall just like we do and ours are no better than the next. The difference is how we use their failures as teachable moments. You did a wonderful job!! banana.gif banana.gif She will beat herself up much more than the grounding will ever do and your disappointment will help her to see that you are able to see her flaws and her successes and love her through both.

You also might only allow her a max grade of 50-70 in the book for the test. This will help her to see how quickly made decisions can have long reaching effects. Which one of us could have benefited from that lesson???? biggrin.gif

Congrats!!
Ber

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 01:53 PM

I had her take the test and she would have made an 88 on it. help2.gif

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 02:02 PM

QUOTE(wings @ Mar 31 2006, 01:53 PM)

Children fall just like we do and ours are no better than the next. The difference is how we use their failures as teachable moments. You did a wonderful job!! banana.gif banana.gif She will beat herself up much more than the grounding will ever do and your disappointment will help her to see that you are able to see her flaws and her successes and love her through both.

You also might only allow her a max grade of 50-70 in the book for the test. This will help her to see how quickly made decisions can have long reaching effects. Which one of us could have benefited from that lesson???? biggrin.gif

Congrats!!
Ber



Thank you for your kind words of comfort.

Posted by: foxchild Mar 31 2006, 02:03 PM

I will keep the grade as a 0 for the test and let her know her grade would have been better by just doing the work on her own. Maybe remove the answers from the books or the sheets she is working on.

Posted by: TiffinKY Mar 31 2006, 02:05 PM

You know what, I bet my boys would try the same thing. I think it's sort of the sinful nature thing we all struggle with. When kids are young and immature want to see just how much they can get by with. That's where we as parents can come in and enforce rules and consequences. Sounds like you are doing a great job, Mom!

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 02:15 PM

QUOTE(foxchild @ Mar 31 2006, 02:03 PM)

I will keep the grade as a 0 for the test and let her know her grade would have been better by just doing the work on her own. Maybe remove the answers from the books or the sheets she is working on.



Her grade will remain a zero. I showed her if she had not cheated what she would have made and asked her if it was worth cheating or not.

The answers have already been removed.

Posted by: foxchild Mar 31 2006, 02:28 PM

I imagine with 2 kids, at one will try this. You are doing good. I hope I would not lose my temper in the situation, that would not help.

Posted by: gsmp Mar 31 2006, 03:15 PM

Dear Dr. Pepper......I am sorry this happened. I have had a similar situation with Colleen. When she says she doesn't know why she did it......I simply tell her,"yes she does".....the simple fact that she wanted to was why she did it.....there is not always a clear reason for why they do things.....for example...when Colleen stuck the ice cube on the lava lamp lightbubl, while it was plugged in and turned on......she couldn't tell me....the answer was simply that she wanted to......

We know as adults that there are things even we do that we know are wrong.....and couldn't tell under threat of interrogation why we did it.....accept that we wanted to.....

I have explained to them that sometimes you will do things...just because....it is our sinful nature....and that it takes more courage and fortitude to purpose in ones heart that they are not going to cheat or be dishonest than it does to do the cheating.


That's when the problem becomes a heart issue......We have taken the children and shown them from scripture what God has to say about these things.......

In our home, cheating is considered one of the serious offenses, punishable by a spanking or two... whistling.gif

We also let them know the trust they have damaged.....and that once trust is lost it must be earned back at a greater price.....I tell them we start out giving them the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise.

It's hard to teach sometimes, that the choice or action of our sin...has a far greater consequence than just the sin of the moment.

I am so sorry and know how shocked and disappointed you are......this is one of those issues that can become a teachable moment for you and an opportunity to teach that this was just not a spur of the moment decision on her part......but a matter of the heart.

hugs.gif to you.......Hopefully you will be able to use this as a moment to see what is bothering her also.....pray.gif

Posted by: mom-to-five Mar 31 2006, 03:25 PM

Dr pepper,
you have gotten a lot of wise advice all ready!!! I just wanted to offer a a cyber hug!! hugs.gif

Posted by: chocolatechic Mar 31 2006, 03:57 PM

QUOTE(Michelle @ Mar 31 2006, 12:57 PM)

A lesson for even homeschool mom's...even our children can fall to that temptation.

I'm sorry this happened, but I bet, she is feeling even sorrier for disappointing you.

hugs.gif
Me too.....


QUOTE(foxchild @ Mar 31 2006, 02:03 PM)

I will keep the grade as a 0 for the test and let her know her grade would have been better by just doing the work on her own. Maybe remove the answers from the books or the sheets she is working on.

I agree.

Posted by: mimzie Mar 31 2006, 04:31 PM

I remember about that age, I probably would have cheated too, not cause I didnt know it, just cause it was so much easier, why do more work when there's an easy way out ya know? What about having her redo the last 4 or 5 spelling lessons and tell her you don't know if she cheated on those or not so you have to make sure.

I really don't know though because I would hate to lay the punishment on too thick because you don't want her to just cheat better next time where you don't find out about it ya know what I mean ? Good for you for staying calm though! banana.gif This could be a very good lesson for her to see why cheating does no good. Maybe cook dinner tonight and cheat by not cooking the macaroni all the way or something crazy like that and tell her that you didnt want to work as hard so you cheated a little? Let her see how cheating affects everyone! lol

Posted by: cctabb Mar 31 2006, 04:38 PM

QUOTE(mimzie @ Mar 31 2006, 02:31 PM)

What about having her redo the last 4 or 5 spelling lessons and tell her you don't know if she cheated on those or not so you have to make sure.

This could be a very good lesson for her to see why cheating does no good. Maybe cook dinner tonight and cheat by not cooking the macaroni all the way or something crazy like that and tell her that you didnt want to work as hard so you cheated a little? Let her see how cheating affects everyone! lol


Two very good ideas there, Mimzie!

I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said.

hugs.gif

Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 04:44 PM

QUOTE(gsmp @ Mar 31 2006, 03:15 PM)

Dear Dr. Pepper......




hugs.gif I PM'd you.

QUOTE(mimzie @ Mar 31 2006, 04:31 PM)

I remember about that age, ............



That may be a good idea to test her on the last couple of lessons. TRUST!!

roflol.gif about the macaroni!!

Posted by: CelticMuse Mar 31 2006, 09:57 PM

Wow!!!!


I'm surprised but you handle this so well. yes.gif Hopefully she will have learned her lesson about cheating. I hope that the rest of the day went smoother after she was allowed out of her room for being disrespectful.

you need some chocolate.....and a hug.....



Posted by: Dr. Pepper Mar 31 2006, 10:35 PM

Well believe it or not, I did let her out of her room and told her to get cracking on those sentences. She wrote up until 7:30 with a break for dinner. She kept asking me if she could stop and I remained firm and stated that I had to punish her or I would be sending a message that it is okay to cheat, that sometimes in life we make decisions and have to face the consequences of those decisions, that although cheating seemed easier at the time it really wasn't in the long run (look at what happened), and that before acting it takes a stronger person to stop, think and decide if their actions are worth the risks, etc.

At dinner, we ate on the deck as a family and did not discuss the events at all.

After dinner she went and continued writing sentences while we were outside socializing with the neighbors and my son, husband and neighborhood children played basketball. Of course, this caused her a lot of pain and when we came back in she sobbed and finally apologized for her actions.

I reassured her that I loved her more than anything in the world and that I would always love her no matter what. I told her that now we need to move forward and hopefully all have learned from this situation. We then bowed down and prayed together.


dunno.gif bonk.gif omg2.gif bomb.gif angry.gif vsad.gif grr.gif thinking.gif huh2.gif help2.gif sweatdrop.gif sick.gif

Do you get the feeling that I have been experiencing a lot of emotions this afternoon and evening?

How can I ever thank you enough for your words of encouragement and inspiration? It was wonderful to know that I could come to you for help and you would listen.

It is sometimes so hard to know what to do in situations and want to be careful that you don't do anything to rip down your child's self esteem, etc. Today was truly a challenge and one that I got through with the help of my kind supportive friends. grouphug.gif Thank you!



Posted by: mimzie Mar 31 2006, 11:01 PM

Wow that is great!! It sounds like you did a wonderful job today, hopefully tonight you can get you some chocolate and just relax! You definitely deserve it ((HUGS))

Rachel

Posted by: gsmp Mar 31 2006, 11:37 PM

WOW.....I'm glad you two were able to work it out.......Sometimes I really think the way we punish them is so much harder on us than them....... omg2.gif .



Posted by: yjja123 Apr 19 2006, 07:35 PM

I think you handled it great!
I had a similar situation with my two. They are also in grade 5. They lost TV for a week and had to take 2 tests on the subject they had tried to cheat on. Funny--they knew the material. They just wanted to get done fast so they could go play.[/font]

Posted by: quiltinmommy Apr 19 2006, 09:19 PM

I just saw this today. I caught my son trying to cheat just the other day and I ripped his paper up right in front of him.... I was so mad. Then we discussed how cheating only cheats ourselves.... it doesn't hurt me...it hurts them.

Sounds like you did great!

Posted by: chocolatelover Apr 19 2006, 10:25 PM

You did a great job at it.

Everyone had such great ideas....


Ginger, post some of those Bible Verses when you post about them.....
PLEASE!!!!

Posted by: Ranchermom Apr 19 2006, 11:11 PM

I caught my daughter doing the same thing about a year ago I know how you felt about being disappointed. Now I have to keep the answers out of the book and I make her do her homework in the kitchen table not her room anymore. Just some privileges she lost by doing that. I am hoping she learned her lesson and will never do that again, but temptation can happen again.

I think you did a fine job with yours.

Sam


Posted by: siscaboo1512 Apr 20 2006, 07:00 AM

I think that you did a wonderful job. I know that if it were me, I would've knocked the house over.

All of these great suggestions and support. I am filing them away in case they are needed in my house. I am also going to talk to them about cheating and the affects and consequences of it. No better time then the present I feel.

Posted by: Grammie Apr 20 2006, 08:04 AM

Great job!

As to why we do things -- sometimes we just need to know what will happen. Children are naturally curious and some, like mine were, can be hard-headed. The only way they learn is to try it themselves. You can tell them no, but they just have to see for themselves what would happen.

Posted by: carmatlock Apr 23 2006, 05:53 PM

You all gave some very encouraging words and things to do in the time of need. I will tuck these away for later

Thanks. . .you all encouraged me and I have not gone thru this yet

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